Kindness is Not a Personality Type

I am fortunate to have joined a talented group of bloggers for the Global Writing Challenge. Each month, we write about a very broadly defined topic, and the responses are quite varied. The group includes Deb’s World, Marsha in the Middle, MK’s Adventures, Rosie Amber, Suzy Turner, Women Over 50 Living Well,   and now me.

This month, Rosie selected the topic of Kindness...a subject matter on which I am not an expert! But as a few of you may know, I am trained as a social psychologist, and I know a fair amount about our sister subject, personality psychology. So today I'd like to talk about kindness from the perspective of personality and psychology.

To start with, are you an eager participant in personality assessments and quizzes? I am! Growing up, my sister and I would answer just about any quiz in a women's magazine, and even now I am always up for a Buzzfeed quiz or a dozen.

Here are a few popular online personality tests and my results:

Harry Potter Sorting Hats - Which Hogwarts house would you belong to?

source: https://www.vam.ac.uk/mused/films-shows/which-harry-potter-house-are-you/

Spirit Animals - What is your spirit animal?

https://www.spiritanimal.info/spirit-animal-quiz/

Divergent Factions - Which faction do you belong in?

source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/which-divergent-faction-do-you-actually-belong-in

Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of these tests put your personality into a category, assigning you a personality "type"? And each "type" has a stereotype associated with it?

Your Harry Potter/Hogwarts "type" could be the brave Gryffindor, the intelligent Ravenclaw, the loyal Hufflepuff, or the ambitious Slytherin.

Your Spirit Animal "type" could be (the lists vary) the brave Bear, the intelligent Owl, the loyal Wolf, the joyful Butterfly, the playful Dolphin, or the powerful Horse.

Your Divergent "type" could be the brave Dauntless, the intelligent Erudite, the peaceful Amity, the honest Candor, or the selfless Abnegation.

Note the "or" in each of those sentences.

(Of course, the entire point of the Divergent series is to remind us that healthy human beings are multi-faceted and to demonstrate that divisive categorization is dangerous. But within the society of that world, people were placed into these categories.)

When we think about it, we recognize that these categories do not describe people very well. (As The Breakfast Club put it: "each of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.") Nevertheless, the idea of having a personality "type" is very appealing! I asked Google's AI why that is, and the answer is pretty good:

source: Google AI - why do people enjoy personality types

We are interested in understanding ourselves and others - that's great!

But we want to simplify the complexity of reality and create mental shortcuts that allow us to process information quickly - that's a mixed bag! Processing information quickly can mean processing information incorrectly. Anyone who has ever been treated by someone else as a stereotype can attest to how wrong and damaging they can be.

We also want to feel good about ourselves, and thinking in terms of personality "types" that each have their strength (bravery, intelligence, loyalty, etc.) props up our self-esteem - that's also a mixed bag! The "feel good factor" can come at the expense of true understanding of ourselves.

And that sense of belonging and community you can get with others of your "type" - that's also very much a mixed bag! It has a "feel good" factor that creates bonds within the group but can also create/reinforce the belief that one's own "type" is better than others, even that other "types" are wrong or evil.

It may sound silly to be concerned about this because no one takes their Hogwarts house or their Divergent faction very seriously, right? But this use of personality "types" also exists in professional personality assessments that are used to guide people in the work place, relationships, and other quite important areas of life.

For example, in my career, I have taken the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test at least twice and the Insights Discovery test once. The MBTI results in 16 possible "types" and the Insights results in a pattern of 4 colors, with your top color as your primary "type." Both of these tests hype their connection to Carl Jung's theory of personality types and are presented as scientific, research-based personality assessments that are fully valid and reliable for use in work and personal lives. (Spoiler alert: they are not.)

Here's my Myers Briggs type...INTJ, the Architect. The INTJ has a stereotype as a brilliant, cold, calculating mastermind without feelings or morals. The INTJ is arrogant, mean, rude, impatient, and doesn't like other people. You can say that the stereotype is INTJ, the Asshole.

source: Myers Briggs personality test from work & Google AI - Myers Briggs dimensions

(Note: I have scored as an INTJ both times that I've taken the test, but that's not a given. Up to 50% of people get different results when they are retested.)

In the scientific community, the most valid and reliable personality test is the Big Five, aka the Five Factor Model, aka OCEAN (for the five traits that it measures as shown below). Importantly, this approach does NOT act like a Hogwarts Sorting Hat to put you in a single category or "type." Instead it measures your personality on five separate traits on a continuous spectrum, which provides much better information about your personality.

My results provide a good example of the difference that makes. If we were to categorize my results to create a "type," I would be Open, Conscientious, Extraverted, Not Agreeable, and Not Neurotic...and there would be a clever name given to that type. Google's AI suggests "Charismatic Leader."

But look at the difference between my Openness score and my Extraverted score: I have a 96 on Openness but only 52 on Extraversion. I mean, 52 is basically in the middle of the scale. It makes more sense to say that I am high on Openness and Conscientiousness, in the middle on Extraversion, and Low on Agreeableness and Neuroticism. "Charismatic Leader" sounds wrong for that!

source: https://www.truity.com/test-results/bigfive

You may have noticed that both the personality "type" tests and the scientific personality traits tests do concur that my personality is not very agreeable, helpful, generous, nice, or kind. Fortunately, human behavior is not 100% based on our personalities!

In social psychology, we attempt to understand and explain how individuals' thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are influenced by social factors. We know that social contexts can promote kindness in thought and deed, even when an individual's personality is not inherently kind. We know that kind acts can cause ripple effects, spreading kindness to others. We know that kindness can be learned and practiced and strengthened like a muscle. We know that a person's values can promote kindness by providing a framework that guides them to act with compassion, empathy, and generosity toward others. Likewise, there are social factors and moral values that can lessen kind behaviors even from those who are temperamentally agreeable.

In a broader sense, the scientific research and the wisdom of the ages converge on a simple truth: kindness is a choice that everyone can make. It may take more effort for some people. It might take more learning and practice for some people. It may be harder for everyone in some situations. It's certainly not automatic. But we can make a conscious decision to act with compassion and empathy. And sometimes we will fail, but we can always try again.

In a world that feels more divided and chaotic than ever, it can seem like kindness doesn't stand a chance or that kindness is a luxury we can't afford. But I believe that it's more important than ever that we make the conscious effort to behave kindly, to chose values that support it, and to create social contexts that promote it. Kindness engenders empathy by allowing us to understand how other people feel and to behave with compassion. It is exactly at a time when people are dividing into groups and demonizing those outside their own group that empathy is needed for us to come back together as fellow human beings, to end conflict and break cycles of hatred.

Check out what other bloggers have to say about Kindness:

Debbie: She is in Canada.

Marsha: Marsha writes about the yin and yang of kindness as a concept. 

Mary Katherine: She in Italy.

Rosie: Rosie talks about A Year Of Doing Good.

Suzy: Suzy takes a soulful look at kindness, seeing it as an energy we carry into every part of life rather than just an act or a word.

Sue: She is in Norfolk.

Are you a fan of personality tests? Have you ever taken the MBTI or similar "serious" assessment? Do your personality test results resonate with you or do they feel off in some way? What does kindness mean to you? Do you think kindness is an element of your inherent personality? Have you noticed environments/situations that promote or reduce kindness in yourself and/or others?

Blogs I link up with are listed here.